:)

Shall the feast begin :D

Bad lighting but still... it's us <3 p="">

Happy birthday choo choo:) <3 lots="" love="" of="" p="">

Third round in the car hahaha. Enjoying time like this with ma girls <3 td="">

We shall not become the 'birthday celebration gang' hahaha. Looking forward to our next outing! ^^

The unglam us hahah. Meant to be posted in blog only. On the day of competition, when our gang were going to leave uni and head to dinner... Only I saw him at the entrance of uni and was about to go back to vista. And then I realized, oh shit, we haven't taken any photo together on such an important day....

 I said "omg I haven't taken any photo with you..." 

Him:"yeah...."

Sometiems we argue a lot. We always have different opinions regarding certain thing and I always think that his principle of that certain thing, the way he define the principle, is somehow stubborn and 不讲理. He claims that this is gonna happen this way, and so it should. If it doesn't happen this way, he claims that I'm wrong. Of course he didn't sound that rude, but yeah, to me, such attitude made me feel like... he is not being understanding :/ just a little understanding that a girl would expect from her bf... 

I don't know how to settle this. My current principle of life is just living in the moment and living life to the fullest. I always get angry easily when talking to him because of that stubborn attitude. But somehow he is always so patient to me, always wanting to solve the problem between us, no matter how much tantrum I'm throwing to him... 

Oh well.. Just randomly updating my blog. Keep going :)

身边的人都对我很好，很好很好，所以很知足。。。有时突然会很感伤。七个月，两百一十天。即将离开。

It has always been our goal. And people doing work at the backstage always get disadvantage because people don't see you working on something in front of them, simply because they don't see it. From music selection, production. beats counting, editing to arranging coach and friends to drop by to help out, and then listening all the negative thoughts, making hell lots of time just to comfort capt even when I think it was merely useless to listen to her nagging bout problems without finding ways to solve the prob... and lots and lots of burden and stress.

Anyhow, I will always remember this as my biggest achievement in 2014. Something I gained with lots of sacrifices, hard work and blood.

Keep holding on. The day you left is the day the day that I had the most regret.

I know I could handle this. So just leave me alone to handle the truth.

The very first day went home after cheer without feeling down, stress and demotivated...

Come on 9 days left.

October...

十月即将结束。喜欢十月的我，还来不及准备好心情十月。一个月前，明明就计划好帮自己庆祝生日，现在，却已知道计划泡汤，因为根本就放不下cheer的事情。

最近和他的问题很多，以前会有同样的问题，只是我选择不去面对，忍得一时风平浪静嘛。。。现在当我们要好好去面对时，才知道吵架是一件让人很痛心的事。眼泪不停地流，心也一直在痛。知道自己在感情上是个很脆弱的人，坚强这两个字，也许在感情上是不适合形容我的。。。我只想要简单的开心，心烦的事一直在逃避。。。

十月的最后个星期，好好过吧～～：）

当那么多个对你倾心，想办法讨你欢心，逗你笑，听你诉苦。。你却只对那个表面看起来最冷漠的情有独钟。

最近和智慧牙挣扎了很久。它要是出来，我就越痛苦-_- 现在体会到，吃什么又算不了什么，有得吃才是最重要，我三餐吃粥的日子真的很难受T_T

提早来的生日礼物，我不喜欢T_T

Feeling happy to have met you in my life :) feeling comfortable to go gymming together, grab food that we love, studying in the library, ranting on cheer problems, sharing my happiness, pouring out all my frustrations, nagging that i'm hungry and you will drive me to somewhere to feed my tummy, even if we are just spending time having dinner at mamak, it just feels so bliss to have you with me at the moment.

也许，我还不适合定下来。又或者，你还不是那个让我可以安心地停留下来的靠岸。

好想快点离开，等不及去日本了：）

很开心终于有了最后的决定😊 是时候好好地计划我在这里剩下的八个月。 

;) 

And sometimes ldr makes us to appreciate each other's presence even more. Your first week to hospital posting at labuan and since then we talk in the phone quite often, which we usually do not do. :) Your phone call this morning does make my decision even firmer. I know what I want in my life. I know what to do. 

Cheerleading is a passion, but somehow because of cheer, I've missed out all the fun and precious time I should have spent with my family and the loved ones. I had given 200% of commitment for cheer in the preparation for c3 2014 and I've accomplished what I wanted to achieve. I have no regrets now.

It may be a lil heart-breaking to stop my passion going but I guess I know what's my priorities now.

I will be fine! still! :)

Sometimes I wonder why are those words hurting me so much.. maybe because it's from someone you love? We always allow people we love to hurt us easily. That easy.

I've tried my very very very best to make time for you, for us, even thou I feel so so so exhausted.. the training is exhausting me, I got no energy left, I got no time left, I've sacrificed so much time on this. I have no time left for family... Everyday my mom is asking me where am I heading to. Without fail. Yet I choose to spend time with you whenever I'm free.

It hurts so much to hear that waiting me is such a waste of time. You were frustrated cuz I'm late... and you couldn't go to get your phone back. And maybe getting your phone back is all you want... not spending time with me.

Four days left to the day you leave to posting. But I feel like meeting up might just be a waste of time for you.

Yes emo post. Bye.

Not a dream ;)

It's been a while since I last updated my blog. :3 Officially ended year two with satisfying results.. I'm really contented with what I've achieved :') Been trying to cope my studies with intense cheer practice, I even went to aces practice during study break.. cuz I can't seem to stop working out. :D competition in one month time.. Progression was not bad I guess. I'm gonna be so proud of myself to be able to learn so many skills in two-month-time, I believe I can do it :')

Feeling great to be able to pursue my dream. 记得那一天我踏进aces的第一天，我的目标是想学习更多想进步想让自己变得更好。学习的过程当然不是百分之百地开心，会遇到瓶颈，会遇到不想帮忙你的人，会遇到看不起你的人，会遇到给你脸色看的人。毕竟，团队里的人都至少有两三年经验，而我却新得不得了:O 

哭过，笑过，抱怨过，也挨了过去。当然，在那里我也遇到好人。很好很好的人。很珍惜自己所拥有的机会，很珍惜一些人那么愿意无私地帮忙和教导，很珍惜那些对我很耐心的，没放弃过我的。很开心能追逐自己的梦想。我离梦想又更进一步了。：）

And I'm so heart-broken because I don't seem to get any support from you regarding the idea of me joining cheer.. I'm not disappointed with you.. Maybe I'm just disappointed with myself.. Just can't stop my tears reading what you wrote... Heart broken because I knew your heart was broken too...

Phewww. EOS in one-month-time. Don't even have time to take a break. Whenever I stay at home, sleep is the only thing I would do... so I just need to keep forcing myself to stay at uni as long as possible. Cheer is giving me more and more pressure, sigh, take me to a beach I wanna shout as loud as I can..

Please study...

It's getting harder.
Taurus people spoil me too much maybe. Aces people want me to be champion so I'm being treated harshly during training. Getting more injuries but I have to keep it to myself, couldn't tell mommy, not to mention daddy, couldn't even tell Fam. Yesterday I broke down after the strength training, and yeah i wasn't the only flyer who cried yesterday, some flyers cried too while doing strength work. Coach said, "I don't care whether you can take it or not, and yes please cry while you doing it and don't stop while you cry because I don't care how suffering is it. All I want is champion."

.....

It's a heartbreaking night. :'( I'm overwhelmed with training and workloads. Time time time I need more time. Just need to let it all out and back to work again.

Jia you wzs.

我泪了，也累了。开始没了耐心，开始想发脾气。可能我压抑太久，可能也真的太久，太久了。

掉泪，是因为生气自己没了耐心，没了那份心。

?

No one said it would be easy. Perhaps my talent is only limited to a flyer, not a cheerleader. I know sometimes I put too much pressure on myself, I'm always eager to improve, as much as I can.

My tumbling is very bad. Very  ugly.

T__T

Finally, fundraising event 告一段落。很感谢当中帮了我很多很多忙的人。

虽然当中遇到问题就好像，面包来到太小个，可很庆幸都有了solution & 很感谢我们的leader全力支持我的proposal。

最近实在是太忙，忙到有时我不知道自己在做什么。

星期一和二都有attachment ，碰巧fundraising event就在星期二，星期一attachment后从回到学校已经很迟了，遇到塞车时间7.30pm，所以也决定不回家。所以就和我们的cheer captain讨论cheerleading的东西，聊聊下竟然也聊到十一点，晚餐也没吃，又累又饿，真的很想哭。第二天还要五点起来准备fundraising的食物饮料，想到压力都大。

送yenyin回vista后也十一点多了，他叫我去他那里一下。反正也在vista c，所以就过去了。一去到门已打开，看到他把面煮好捧去桌子上，原来他煮了晚餐给我. 可以想像我是多么地> T___T

那么小小的贴心真的很让我感动.

我跟他说我明早要五点起来，于是他给了我这些。他每次在我有事的时候都会给我一些很有用的东西。＾＿＾

Early in the morning 6am ;)

由于当天用具有点不够，少了一些杯，于是自己去了endah parade买，因为classmate都在上课( I skipped two classes tsk tsk tsk)，于是我拉他和我一起去...> :P 其实一路上我很忙，一直在听电话，东西都是他在帮我选帮我看。 到时间去collect豆奶，我忘了带箱子去装，他就直接当场DIY纸皮，变去箱子：D

其实没有他在，我该怎么办。

他就这样把七瓶豆奶抗在身上. 

我是很庆幸有他在的。^^

Attachment with handsome :p hahaha super relaxing attachment, got released early by the pharmacist. So we had enough time to eat dessert lol.

Second day he suggested to have dinner together despite he know we will be jam packed in the lrt. XD

Anyway, had a great time spending my attachment hours with Francis! Surprised that he is quite "masculine" in personality and  he also found some nice japanese songs to share with me cuz he know I can understand japanese, ^_^

Life is good so far. hehe. NEED TO STUDY, PUHLEASE....

生气，生闷气。

很讨厌你每次用自己的主见去衡量人事物。也许我只是生气为什么在我面前你要显得cheerleading对你一点意义也没有。你知道它现在对我来说很重要，也很有意义，我却感觉不到你的支持。

也许比起生气，我更失望。

失望透了，沉默依然是我最好的答案。

有史以来第一次skip workshop，好大的胆子。突然在这低落的时候想起了你，想起你想尽办法逗我笑，想起你为了看我开心地笑，大老远驾车过来，想起那些日子我可以和你述说一切一切，就只是想起了你，听着你爱听的歌，我要读书了。

今天傍晚，以前在乒乓队认识的一个double degree的senior把他的部落格link给了我，说了声多多指教:D 他是我们学校buddhist's club的president，平时蛮会开玩笑，正经起来也很棒，很惊讶他会和我分享他的部落格，看了他很多篇华语的文章，自己也被影响想写华语哈哈。

今天，过得不是很好。总有种预感今天很黑暗。面对人总是要笑嘻嘻的，自己一人却冷漠了起来。原来，笑久了，会累。原来，要让自己真正的开心，不简单。最近很累， 很忙，没有时间，让自己开心的笑。。。

Sometimes I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. Too tired to express myself. Too tired to talk... 

Cheer's Audition

I wasn't nervous at all when I reached the gym and started to do stretching. I was alone so I talked to another girl who wanted to try out as a base. When we just started to stretch, coach asked all of us to go out to wait for our turn. OMG *AUDITION STARTS*

So I started to hear those xiao mei mei around 13-15 years old talking about their previous audition experience.. they said "the coach will play some music u're gonna dance there like a pro lol. and u're gonna cheer, cheer like a cheerleader. and u're gonna do tumblings, show your best tumblings." By that time I heard all these, my eyes were like O.O and shit I forgot my dance moves, I can't do tumblings at all.. lololol how am I gonna pass this audition.

While one of the xiao mei mei teaching me how to cheer, I taught her Taurus' dance move lol cuz we are going into the gym for audition in pairs. Surprisingly I mingled quite well with those 2001's. Yes they are freaking 13 years old lol but I think they quite like to talk to me too ^.^ They kept complimenting me that I'm so good, so pro but argh 妹妹s，姐姐承担不起呀!

Then one of the girls started to talk to me
Jody: Coach Dickson 很好是不是？他很好hor？
Me: 好啊好啊，他很好~!
Jody: 是咯他真的很好，我看到他base你！很厉害叻！通常coach train了你一两下过后就会把我们pek(丢)在一边，给你自己去跟那些学生练习
Me: Har 不是因为我是新的flyer, 所以他一定要train我啊？我以为因为我是新人所以他一直跟我练习。。
Jody: 才没有咯！他train几下就把我们pek在一边。。那时他有train过我啦，只是我不珍惜，玩玩下。。所以他从此以后没有再base我了...

Jody: 所以你要好好珍惜他...
Me: 哇。。好!

When I heard what Jody said I was damn surprised cuz you know why? Every time I go to gym, dickson trains me and teaches me new skills. He never leaves me doing nothing there, when he's coaching someone else he will ask some other bases to try out with me.. keep giving me chances to learn. And I think he is the friendliest coach ever cuz 1) our age is so so close, just elder than me by two years, there's no ocmmunication gap 2) he tells me my weaknesses, asks me how do I feel this time (every time after we try out a new stunt), never scolds me even thou I didn't do well. >_<

He even bought me a gift from USS last month when they went Singapore for competition. It's necklace with dolphin pendant! :3 And he didn't know I actually love dolphins! Ngawww such a sweet coach lah. I do really appreciate the kind people I met throughout my journey of being an all-star cheerleader. Yet to. But I believe I will make it real soon.

Loves! Happy day.

Oh Audition? Quite fun as I enjoy being a flyer, even tho I failed to do tumblings :D

Stay tune to know whether I could get chosen into all-star team or not.

;)

Hello! :)

So I brought myself problem by joining cheer without getting my parents' permission.. and I've been feeling depressed lately cuz I'm figuring out how to cut down daily expenses in order to get the monthly fees paid as well as buy a pair of cheer shoes which costs 215 bucks...(which coach has already ordered for me T__T)

Even yenyin said it's like the first time seeing me being so broke.. and yes.. believe or not if I tell you it stressed me so much that I couldn't sleep well at night. As you know it's 2014 everyone is turning 21 this year, presents and celebrations...

Recently I just wake up at 6 every morning to prepare lunch for myself to bring to school, the least I could do T_T

Seriously I've never been so depressed about money.

Haih...

Let's move on to some other stuff. Went to aquaria at KLCC with him on last Saturday. So I got teased by Hongjia & Jas.. "Her financial status depends on who is she with... she's not broke when she's with someone~~"

And no it's not like that :| he bought the tickets last month and until last sat I feel like going out for a date so yeah! Anyway I know they were just teasing for funnnn ;)

Wanna take photo when the turtle swam over.. but we just forever missed the right timing :S

Spot the turtle >>>>>>> haha :p

I'm too lazy to upload all the photos haha. Everyone is asking me "how was the aquaria" , "is it worth to go".. I think, RM22 is quite worth it la, if you were to pay RM38 for a visit ( the original price ), then I'd suggest you not to go haha. So go get it from Groupon while the offer is still available!

This was taken during the piranha live feeding session.. cons of going on saturday is that the aquaria was overwhelmed with crowd :\ and you know shortgirlproblems, I CAN'T SEE THE FISHSSS, AT ALL, especially after the person in charge announced that piranhas finish food in 60 SECONDS, everyone walked towards the tank even nearer. So the boy actually let me sit on his shoulder and watch HAHA I feel like a kid lol but who cares! ;) 

I always think that it's not about where you go, it's about who you have by your side. Right?

Be fit!

If you do not go after what you want, you'll never have it. It's never too late to hit the gym! ;D gonna make workout one of my daily routines!

Feeling healthy :3 thank you my favourite partner in crime <3

They don't know what had happened, so they judge. I believe I should feel it with my heart.
All is well :)

Didn't know reading could calm myself down.. and I realize I do love reading all the while, just that I didn't make time for myself to read.

Ahh I miss those days where I can just have a cup of coffee and read books that I love in Kinokuniya.

;-)

It's not an emo post, trust me.

It's sad that we know we are into each other and we know we're both looking for a long term relationship but I'm not completely comfortable with him and it's sad that sometimes I smile or laugh as loud as I can so that I need not to answer anything cuz silence seems to be the best answer. It's also sad to say that sometimes I just burst into tears cuz I've been keeping everything to myself for too long and it's sad that I'm just too chicken to speak for myself it's sad that I don't feel needed I can't feel the affection but I don't complain I don't ask for it it's also sad to say that he's not the one i'm looking for a long term relationship, but I don't feel like giving up yet.

The moment I left ken's car, I said thanks to him for the ride. Then I walked across the road without looking back. While walking to basement towards my car, I just broke down in tears, uncontrollably.. Yenyin called me. I told her, there's nothing goes wrong, I just feel like crying, I just wanna cry. She said no, everything doesn't look fine at all...

How should I even explain this?

No I really can't tell..
There're too many questions in my mind. But I never want to know all the answers. Don't need to..

I'm not used to this kind of relationship, where I'm not really opening up myself. Something that makes me feel so uncomfortable. But I never want to bring this up, I do not want drama. I don't want.

So sick of feeling tired.

In fact, there're a lot of things in life to be happy about.
There're a lot more.

Recently, I find that I don't enjoy play ping pong anymore :( I don't enjoy the training, I find it boring. I go for the sake of training. So sad. I used to enjoy what I'm doing. Maybe it's true that as time goes by, things do change. So does passion? Haih. But I enjoy cheerleading, like a lot.

I ask myself, what do I wanna achieve within 6 months. I wanna do level 5 stunts, I wanna do back hand spring. I wanna be slimmer. I wanna spend my time more productively. I wanna be a better person. ^_^

So fighting! :)

A flower needs time to grow, and good care to become beautiful and strong. So do women.

My second trip without parents lol

Ohai~~ finally I'm back to update about my sem3 holidays cuz I think it was a well-spent one! :3

Yeap so I went to Labuan on Valentine's day. Initially he and his brother asked me whether I want to follow them to Labuan for their eldest bro's wedding or not. I rejected without second thought cuz I said my dad wouldn't allow me to go. Then his brother said, "if you couldn't get ur dad ur dad's permission i'll talk to ur dad, and if I can't persuade ur dad, my mom will talk to him!" I was like omg u guys want me to go that badly .__. so in the end, I successfully persuaded my dad to let me go.

It was supposed to be a lovely morning flight.

But too bad four of us were being seated at different place cuz he forget to book a seat :/

Ok la to be honest I was a bit upset cuz I was all alone and abit scared lah. Duhh.

It is a very peaceful island. Life there is so carefree that the average driving speed of the drivers there are like 50-60km/h. All the while the only thing on my mind was "why they drive so slow why they drive so slow why they drive so slow" hahahaha. The pic above was taken in front of a lake nearby his house!

Me: Eh let's take a photo!!

Him: I take for you lah

Me: No, together

Him: *poker face*

Quite cute ah, I rarely find big dogs cute. HEHE

This is his brother's girlfie! A super friendly girl, we talk alot since the first time we met!;)

The hairdo to the wedding dinner! All by myself;) My hair colour was too dark to spot the braids in the pic, so I need to use filter :/

Not much photos on that night but this is one of my favourites :3

I love beach and sand. :)

I love candid shots too;)

SUPER DELIGHTED TO SEE JAPANESE WORDS!!!! :3 YES  ME AND MY OBSESSION WITH JAPAN AGAIN ;D

Another favourite shot of us hehe:)

Our videos of throwing the stones haha. Those moments that became memories. :)

Guess that's all about this trip hahaha ready for the next?

Awh now I'm lazy to update about the penang trip. It was way awesome-er than labuan trip! 

HAHA stay tuned yo :D