The fact that I changed too much since the beginning of the relationship made things worse now. The fact that I couldn't open up myself to you, after so long, does affect the relationship a lot. 

I remember things weren't that good before I came. Although it seems like we never argue since we come to UK, I know the problems do exist. They remain unsolved. 

Recently, I'm a little tired of this relationship. Tired of the selfishness I see in you. I swear I always put myself into your shoes, but... do you really do the same?

Its amazing how time flies and I don't even realise it has been five months since I came to Glasgow. You start to get used to living alone, cooking every day, washing dishes, coping everything all by your own. You start to wear like the locals, adapt to the very unpredictable weather, walk under the rain with your windbreaker and eat food that never satisfy your cravings hahahaha. And still, I have yet to adapt to the "short days long nights" season. You always hear of this but you really have no idea how it affects your daily routine and mood till you experience living in a season like this :/ imagine you go to your first lecture from 1-3pm and by the time you finish it, the sky is already turning dark. You feel like you've done nothing productive and it's time to have dinner and sleep lol.... And I have really weird sleeping habit here. I tend to sleep earlier and earlier nowadays, yesterday was 7pm -_- 

Life here has been good? Never had such great freedom.. it feels good to be able to hang out and go wherever you want, but still, home is where the heart is. 

As much as I want to stay here and explore more places and new stuff, I know there comes a day when I have to face the reality and work as a pharmacist.

Went to edin last week, and guess what, there's this sweet girl bought me a box of natas as belated birthday present. Fyi, she already bought me a box of pastries and got mr.fam to bring it all the way to Glasgow on my birthday, now she bought my favourite natas for me again as I baked her banana cupcakes as a return of the pastry she bought. Ah, I'm really touched by her sweet thought. Did my face written with "natas only"? Hahaha people who brought me natas can really see my happy face because natas could be the BEST food ever> ;D

From the Portuguese cafe in edin. My favourite. Sometimes I'm glad that he's at edin and not Glasgow because Glasgow is so boring > D; and I like visiting him when stuff gets too suffocating over here. 

Some love that is never expressed in words but in action. Bought me thee bottles of my fav chilli just because I couldn't find it anymore from Chinese grocery shop, and he couldn't either, so he ordered somewhere online. 

Miss this little fella so so much. Used to rely on him so much, he's study buddy, accompanies me to sleep, stay with me when I'm upset, and makes me learn to be responsible of taking care of a pet. I can't wait to go home to see him. Dogs' loves to their owners are really unconditional, and I don't even know why human deserve such loyal companions. 

I shall end my post here, and will blog more often :)

自己的心情 自己最清楚

不要乱了脚步

调回心情

再出发

昨晚 想家想家的当儿

就这样 默默地睡着了…

在外国留学是一个非常纠结的事。能出国，新环境，很棒，同时，你也要重新学习独立这两个字是什么意思，更实在的叫做靠自己…

才发现原来人那么需要陪伴，支持。独自做东西，出外，当然没有不好，偶尔独自做自己的东西，享受宁静，是很棒的事。但也许在这里宁静太久，感觉忧郁了起来。

很想念有家的陪伴的感觉。每次觉得，说想家后，也没办法改变任何事情，日子依然要过，毕竟能出国不是常常有的机会…

想家这种心情，真的可以让你一秒内热泪盈眶。

能有他的陪伴，我很庆幸，但同时也烦恼过，我们的未来会怎么样。自从上一次轰轰烈烈的曾经，我变得很自私了。自从那次，我跟自己说，如果一个人再对你忽冷忽热，请马上转身离开，因为我终于学会要怎么对自己好一点。

我一直都觉得自己很自私，一直跟自己说，哪一天这个男人对我不好，我会马上跟他说再见，因为被伤害这种感觉，真的很生不如死的。

怎知，这个男人还竟然竟然还真的没有对我不好…就没有到忽冷忽热，冷战那种烦人的事情。

是比较不会甜言蜜语，是比较踏实，可是有时什么也不说，真的会让我觉得，很压抑。

突然觉得自己比较忧郁，也可能是比较少抒发心情。于是，我来了。

纯粹写写，想想。

Always amazed by how you can always cheer me up in such a simple way, after so long of seeing each other. A simple call, a short text, a small move... or maybe just listen to me crying over the phone while u trying hard to figure ways to help me out. 

I guess that's what falling in love feels like. 

生病的时候，最想家。

想念每次给我吃莫明奇妙的药的妈吗

和那只每次爱舔我的小狗。

擦擦眼泪，快点康复吧。

Why does time fly so fast here? :( 

So much tears since yesterday :(
But I have to stay strong..

Thinking deep..

Not sure since when I've developed passion over respiratory system. Perhaps it was because of my previous patient, 44 years old man having Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) for more than 15 years that gave me a really huge impact on my perception regarding respiratory disease.
He is merely 44 years old but he definitely looks much older than this, perhaps 58? Yes, and it was because of the progressive worsening of the disease. He couldn't really talk, once he tried to talk, he can get breathless after uttering few words. He is really really really thin and bonny, in medical term we called it as cachexic. Getting to know about his condition, I start to comprehend how COPD can have devastating effects on one's well being.
At this point of his life, family and social support are really important but I don't really know if he has family to take care of him or not. I only spent my one whole day with him..

This morning I had a lecture about asthma and COPD. Then only I realise there are so many people out there died of asthma before they could actually seek for help. They didn't realise the asthma attack can be fatal. I really had goosebumps when I was listening throughout the lecture. Life is a lot more fragile than we think.

After that lecture, deep down in my heart, I tell myself I want to help the people out there who are suffering and have no control of their lives, no matter how small is the contribution I can make.

其实自己也不明白，为什么还是会不开心。分开了不久，以为一切问题都会随时间而淡化，可想不到… 问题依然存在。

也许我一进很清楚自己想要的是什么，离开马来西亚前，我的决心很强。来到这里，我依然有同感。

只是突然在这种时刻，让我很想家。半夜，独自流泪…

Not dead yet but...

After a torturing week of fighting with non stop class tests, my body seems like it's going to shut down. Have been missing meals, eating irregularly, gastric, lack of sleep, late period, literally forcing myself to stay awake even when my body shown me that it really needed a break. I really really really really can't wait to get done with the worst semester I'ever had, even though I kinda like the module pharmacy practice.

My boy is excited seeing my on the screen.

You've been missed my boy :') I'm doing great here, I hope you could hear me.

And I really wanna pat your head badly telling you that you did a great job for being an obedient boy over there.

Why do I like pharmacy practice? Because I've this girl over here helping me to cope with all the diseases, symptoms and complications. After having three hour lecture covering 10 illnesses at school, I went home and skype with her and she literally gave me another two hour lecture explaining the common symptoms, danger symptoms, reason of having this symptoms, and all kinds of possibilities and complications of having a particular disease. What else better than having a walking medical dictionary? I couldn't be more thankful to have her sacrificing her sleep skyping with me in the midnight 3am just to make sure I'm able to cope. 

Thanks for picking me up when I'm at my worst. ! :)

Five more days to go. Come on!!!

What a day!

Hard core for few days and finally i reward myself a shopping day today! Can't believe that it's merely few weeks left to end of semester -__- I had a good shop for some skincare product. It was a perfectly fine day, there was no sun, cloudy all morning (my kind of day).. until I realized I lost my credit card. I only realized when I was at the third shop and I literally turned my bag inside out, comforting myself that this is not gonna happen on me. 

And okay, it wasn't in my pursue. Really. Panic attack. I called my dad while walking on the way to the first shop where I used the card. Dad was answering the call merrily, saying hello bibi ah;) then I was like "papa, I think I lost the credit card... T_T" few seconds after talking to dad already made me wanna cry. So fragile in front of daddy </3

While papa talking to me telling me what to do, I reached the shop and the staff recognised me. Righht after that she passed the card to me and apologize for forgetting to return me.. Haiyo. Two careless staff n customer.

The moment I settled everything, the one that appeared in my mind was him. Everything happened in like 5 minutes, I was in need of talking to someone to calm myself down T_T 

So I facetime him and guess what, he answered! Usually when we wanna FaceTime, it takes few times to succeed cuz sometimes one is not around la, another is having poor connection, etc. 

Hah thanks God. What a day. 

Okay I'm a newbie in Snapchat. Lol.

It's been very very hectic ever since I came to this new city. My every day is packed with classes and sometimes I don't even have time to check my phone out. But... It feels productive. Very very productive. Some people complaint that it's just too tiring to cope but somehow I'm loving my life here even though it's tiring :-) Learning new thing every day, not just about studies, but some life lessons that you will only go through when you're away from home.

Away from home made me miss people who used to take care of me. It's true that no one is gonna help you to carry this and that or bring you to somewhere you wanna go. It's all on your own. And living outside made me realize my inner self is actually quite introverted. I always prefer to explore places alone, getting to places I wanna go myself and taking time to capture every beautiful moment. But this is an exception to my dearies. I was in cloud nine when howenyi came to Glasgow! :') It feels so close, so familiar and I start to become talkative again. :')

We took train to west end of glasgow and explored the beautiful botanic garden!

Most of the photos are still in my camera..

Some artistic photo she helped me to take :p

Requested to take this shot which was a shot inspired by Lenox from American next top model cycle 21 hahahahahaha.

Could be my happiest day in Glasgow thus far :p 

It's tough living alone, but I'm enjoying every single moment. Loving the weather here, yes it's cool and cold all the time and I have a really high cold tolerance. Soooo adapting to the weather here is really no problem for me! 

Having said so much about moving to a new city, I actually can't wait for that someone to come over ;-) someone who is so close to me.

!!! Study hard but play harder! Peace off!

Settled down in Glasgow!

Finally finally, this day has finally come.

At the departure hall, waiting to leave the place I was born. 

Reached London Heathrow Airport! Looking at the menu, we started to convert all the prices to ringgit lolol -__-

Reaching Glasgow. Fall in love with this city at first sight! So greeeeeeeeeenish!

And ohai, finally r

Ohai, and we finally reached...

I know I' gonna love this place because I love all kind of fruits that can be found here!! Blackberries!

Study buddy!

Classmates!

Today! Went to a bigger grocery shop called Morrisons and I'm loving the place omg. I wanna shop shop shop for food :x Anyhow, the very thing I still couldn't get used to is walking. I need to walk 20 minutes to get my groceries and carrying 5-10kg stuff for 20 minutes back to my hostel. MY LEG ARGH I NEED MASSAGE T__________T Despite the walking part, I enjoy exploring the places myself and talking to people and asking for road direction. Sometimes I don't even understand what are they talking about because their accents are really god level hahaha but they said if you can survive in Scotland listening to their scottish accent, we can literally survive anywhere else.

After so so so much good food before leaving Malaysia, finally its time to back to clean eating. The pork sausages I bought them 8 pieces for 0.99 pound only!! Original price is 5.99 but i think it's expired soon and so the price was reduced. Anyhow it still tastes so so good. Life of living in a non-halal country T_____T

I believe he will be a good boy at home :') just be safe and be a happy boy okay...

Believe it or not, after coming to UK I miss papa alot. Buying stuff here is so expensive to be honest but papa is the one who comforts me and asks me to buy some healthy food and all the essential stuffs without worrying about the money. Dad is so so so wei da :'( How much effort he has been putting in order to earn so many to send three of her daughters to UK to study. :'( thinking bout papa made my eyes wet already...

Till then, class starts tmrw! I hope I can survive the first week! JIA YOU!

One week left ;)

"Don’t let homesickness ruin your life. Remember that you are only abroad for a summer, semester or year, and it will be one of the quickest times of your life, and arguably, the most fun."

Agreed. And I know I will make good use of my time there ;)

So why do we wanna put the blame on other people when something happens? I was mad because of th fact you didn't try hard enough... 

I know the decision I made two weeks ago was right. Our relationship is that fragile...

It's june..

And I always wonder how would I feel when the day is coming. To be honest, I don't feel very very sad nor very very happy about leaving. Perhaps a little excited for the freedom that I will be having for following one year? Sicked of the curfew I've always had. And the thing that I worried the most could be my dog and mom perhaps? I've been trying my best to bring him out and have fun. I hope  he will be a good boy and wait for mama to come home :')

Last week I got a bit emotionally unstable because of the fact that I couldn't spend much time with him even after his exam. I've never worried about the coming ldr, as I'm always in a 'live in the moment' mode. We can never predict what's gonna happen tomorrow right?




Exactly two more weeks. And all the good memories shall stay.

I think the dissapointmemt comes from expectation can really break someone's heart. No matter how many times we warn ourselves, we just never learn how to not expect... I cried not because I'm weak, just because I care. Too much.

There's always something that you have to let go, no matter how hard you wanna hold on to it.

Stay strong sweety pie!

It seems like I've found the lost me through the messages I found in my old phone. I really really miss the old times.

眼泪啪哒地流下来的时候，我知道事情已变得越来越糟糕。

Just got to catch up with one of my Aces' friends, initially the topic was about the cheer issue in Imu, and slowly we talked about what happened lately to A C E S. The last time I joined them was nine months ago and I can't believe that a lot of things have changed, a lot of people have left while a lot of people are coming in. It's very sad to know all the dramas that happened, but the thing i concerned the most is... How does the coach feel, to see students whom he have put effort to teach, to scold, to correct their mistakes leave him one by one? And there are so much dramas happened, like a girl broke up with a guy and eventually left the as well while the guy met a new girl in the academy and they got together. Or, a guy who is the apple of the coach's eyes started to skip classes and not giving respect to the coach, take him for granted, and eventually leave the academy because the girlfriend is not happy staying in the academy too. 

I kind of miss the old times when I joined them, when things have not gone that worse yet, when the people I met are super kind to me as a newcomer and when it still feels like a family with the old members there. Now most of the old members have left and the coach is gonna form his family all over again from zero. Life is tough isn't it? But it reminds me that, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of shit u're going through, life still goes on even when you don't want to move on. So let it go, for whatever grudges or things that are bothering you because life is short and its constantly changing. You can never predict what is gonna happen tmrw. cherish what you have, now. 

When u literally have nothing to do but wanted to do something... yet no one has time for you :/ holiday seems long without cheer practice. I always tell yenyin I have not much time left here, should I do this, should I do that. In the end I realized, yes I should. Because no one has time to do whatever you want with you. Sooooo. Let's go. :)

Sometimes I do have a love-hate relationship with my scorpio character. I hate how fast my mood can change in one second. While on the other side, it makes me who I really am...

Intense.

Haraju-Cube, Empire Damansara

So I realize I seldom fancy over new dessert in town, unless being invited by friends to have a try on it. The last time I came to empire damansara was to accompany the boy to try the boat noodles ^^"

Believe it or not, we literally waited for one hour plus..  75 minutes maybe. Those who wanna try on this please come on weekdays haha.

Anyhow, the decoration inside is quite nice despite being a small dessert shop. Everything looks kinda japanese ^^

As we heard that the green tea ice cream is more bitter-ish, we decided to give it a try. So here's it - Azuki-Matcha.

The ice-cream is already melting when being served.. and I couldn't denied that it tastes really good on first bite. I think it's mostly because of the butterscotch smell of the toast.

My dear and haraju butterscotch milk ^^ the milk is kinda special too! worth to give it a try! But you better finish it before your honet toast is served or else everything will become overly sweet hahaha :p

Me love bread. XD

Sisters outing is always good! ^^ <3 p="">

Ohai!

So recently, after a hectic month of preparing all the documents needed for studying abroad.. I'm back to lifeless life again :p watching movies, drama, hitting the gym, cooking things I like, baking etc. And few days ago I start to pack all the winter clothes that I plan to bring to UK. And thereby i realized my house got so so so many winter wear which my bought when she was studying at Brighton for one year... and I have no excuse to buy new winter wear nooooooo >;( anyhow there are SO MUCH to choose and I really couldn't bring over ALL of them. Sis is such a shopalic tsk tsk tsk :p

Recently the weather gets so warm that I had excuses to not go to gym :/ it turns so so hot and I just want to stay at home or drive to any shopping mall and stay till the night turns dark. I tried to do some reading, preparing myself for the following semester at Glasgow but my mind just couldn't stop thinking of travelling HAHAHA. It happens when I scrolled through fb and saw my batchmates over Glasgow went all around the world enjoying their lives there. So I'm already starting to plan where do I wanna go in the following one year there >:D I want to go to some not so typical places and explore all around hehe. Thinking of this already makes me excited about going to UK ;) 

^ The blind fold run on 15/3/15. So happy that we got quite a lot of candid shots taken by the photographer of the day. Whoever is he/she thank you so much! God bless! <3

Again, words are very very powerful. Probably you don't know how hurtful is it when you utter it until you broke the person's heart into pieces till you feel so cold so cruel... I'm thinking if I've said something hurtful like this to any person or not. Maybe it's karma...

Shivering.,. Thinking what had happened last night just made my eyes wet,.. I probably canot feel how does it feel like, to feel again. 

有时我在想，我会不会太容易相信身边的人。很多时候 ，我很信任的人告诉我一些东西，我总觉得那是真相的一切。但原来事情不是我想象的简单。常常要相信身边的人，带来的伤害也只有给予自己。

每次，我很容易偏袒好朋友，就只因为我相信他们。不管怎么都很想帮他们说好话，说得很像很了解别人那样，其实，别人又有没有把告诉你的事情，当作一回事呢。

今天真的是一个少有的日子。情绪竟然变得那么的…起伏。

有时你让一个人太放松，你会觉得你随时都可以在他手心里流失掉也不会察觉。

的却很庆幸，即使木讷了点，你依然那么那么地有心地，把全部耐心给了我。关心着我的心情。

而我，还敢妄想什么的？

某天的某天，我一直在质疑，这样的爱，到底该怎样的爱，怎样才叫爱，怎样才叫你真的为一个人着想，什么样的关心又显示着这个人真的“爱”你呢？

今晚的我…是不是又想通了什么？

心碎因为我发现，问题依然存在…我受伤了，刚刚… … 可不严重，只是擦伤了头皮，留了点血？但也许心碎比这伤，来得更伤。

度过明天，非常重要的三科就会解决了。剩下的是很可怕的pharmacy law，可这三天过得不简单，抗压力不高真的可以吐血... 才两天我的精力已剩50% ;( 加油啊踩油门啊！

:) heyy

Just one well-planned date with him ^^

So we are... heading to jayesslee's concert!! Wasn't quite into jayesslee three years back when they actually came to malaysia for their first tour.. but recently i was playing their songs like million times just because they are all very soothing and calming for me to study. And one week before the concert only I got to know they actually coming to malaysia again! how excited and how lucky!

Happily queuing, reached there about 1 n a half hour earlier ;-)

And see, the early birds get the worm ;-) glad that we actually came a lil earlier! whole plan wasn't rush at all! had early dinner before concert too

happy and satisfying faces after concert ^^ i love this pic actually! or maybe i love my dress. HAHA. it's been a while i dress up for event like this.

okay irrelevant pics here. Although he always show people poker face, he is actually a very sweet guy :'>  bought me egg tarts!! 

best nomnom while studying ;-D

Imma one happy girl! Can't wait to finish examsssssssssss

:D

"If everything went well and smooth, I'll be in uk around September."

"I'll be leaving in... June. Where are u going again? Nottingham right? U like Nottingham right " (as many months ago I heard Nottingham was his first choice)

"Ya I like Nottingham... But that's my Second. "

"Then where's ur first choice?"

"Scotland."

I was like aww. Of course it's not for me, maybe, haha. Scotland has good medical school too. But still, if that's our fate... We might be able to meet at Scotland :') 

<3

And things go so unexpectedly well between us, everything is just getting better and everyday I feel so loved because of you ;')

我真的觉得喜欢一个人，东西，食物都好只能七分满，最多八分。曾经我很喜欢subway seafood n crab，天天都买来吃，也想不到最喜欢吃的东西，如果天天吃，真的有天会觉得腻。喜欢一个人也一样吧，我仰慕leaders，我一直很仰慕我仰慕的人，可是仰慕的人不能和我太接近，要若隐若现，我真的会很仰慕这个人哈哈哈。你们也懂我说的是谁吧，我仰慕的人最近缠着我有点紧，说真的，对于天蝎来说，送上门来的真的得来不费功夫，我们不会喜欢，因为我喜欢挑战。

保持点距离吧。虽然我讲话有点狠，可是在这方面我就是这么地极端:O

Updates:)

Always wanted to post pictures like this on social media. But in the end the awkwardness of not-posting-our-pic together-before- will surely call it off. Even though sometimes the unclarified relationship status creates some prob like, some guys assume I'm not attached cuz I dont seem to have a boyfriend, I find it quite comfortable keeping our status low profile :) cuz I need not to explain to anyone and I don't feel too possessive over him (used to be so possessive :O) yet we are getting along really well now. ;)

We have an apps together called lovebyte and in the apps there's a countdown reminder... 148days left to Glasgow. Gonna enter a new stage of my life and I really can't imagine how my life would be without my bestest best friends and fam over there. 

But first.. Shall pass my year3 EOS first. :) Jia you to myself!